The Advice of a Wise Bartender Or, Cats and Chocolate
by DeathandJunkfood
Summary: The Three Broomsticks is James's preferred venue for moping. It's cool and dark and practically empty during the summer months. But some sage advice from Madam Rosmerta leads him on a wild kitten chase as he strives to win Lily Evans' heart. One shot.


_**Disclaimer. .. I do not own these characters.**_

 _ **A.N. So the story behind this is that I was working on scenes for my fic,**_ **A Rise and Fall,** ** _(please check it out) and I got a bit carried away... and then somehow this blossomed. I wrote it on my phone, so if there are any mistakes, I apologize._**

* * *

"What are you doing?" James asked Madam Rosmerta warily as she moved down the bar and grabbed a rag.

"I" she said, starting to scrub at the gleaming bar, "am going to wipe glasses in a pensive fashion as I listen to all your woes"

"Could I get a firewhiskey first?"

She snorted and pulled a mug down from a shelf, frowning at the spotty mirror behind the bar. She filled the glass with foaming butterbeer from the tap and slid it to James.

"Nice try dear. Now where's your better half?"

James took a deep pull from the mug and wiped the foam of his lip with a sleeve.

"You mean Sirius?"

"Who else?"

"I dunno where he is"

Rosmerta abandoned her cleaning and pulled a tall stout bottle from under the bar. It was a bit dusty, but James could see honey gold liquid within. She contemplated it for a moment, before sighing and tapping the top with her wand. The cork shot out and bounced down the bar.

"Did you two break up?" she asked. Pulling down two wine glasses, she poured generous measures of the drink.

"We're not together" James whined, sounding slightly mulish.

Rosmerta took his butterbeer back and slid him a wine glass.

"Oak matured mead" she responded to his questioning look.

"I'm moping" he explained, "and Sirius is absolutely useless for that. He keeps trying to cheer me up. I just want to wallow in misery"

James could see Madam Rosmerta supressing a laugh, and took a swig of the mead. It was smooth and rich. Quite pleasant, really.

"Wallow away" she told him, "but if you feel like talking..."

James took another sip and considered.

"Lily Evans" he said finally.

"Sweet girl" Rosmerta said reflectively, "charming. Bit blunt, but I like her"

"I like her too" James sounded gloomy.

Rosmerta raised her thin dark eyebrows and refilled James's glass.

"Ah" she realizes, "you really _really_ like her"

James made an expressive hand gesture that Rosmerta took to mean that she was correct.

She sucked her breath in with a whistle, wincing sympathetically.

"And she's not exactly fond of you"

James shook his head glumly. He wasn't quite sure _why_ he was at the Three Broomsticks on a sunny summer afternoon, but it was quiet and empty and Rosmerta knew him well enough to not ask questions. It was dim and cool in the bar. The only other patron was a tired looking, middle aged witch who was nursing a Gillywater, piles of shopping at her feet.

"I've done everything right" he said, "I stopped hexing Snape. Mostly. I quit bullying people. I - I stopped messing up my hair, for Merlin's sake! But she still won't -." He broke off, shaking his head and Rosmerta looked him over.

"James, you're trying too hard. You're a good bloke, not bad looking, and you're smart. Powerful, too. You've had enough brawls in here that I know the feel of your magic and you're chockablock. Lily knows it too. But you have to let her come to you - you can't keep shoving it in her face. You have to treat her like a- a-"

"Unicorn?" James suggested, and Rosmerta nodded.

"Remus suggested that already"

"It's good advice" the witch said gently. She laid a small, calloused hand stop his and smiled.

"You're awfully lucky, y'know" she told him.

"How d'you mean?"

"Your friends still put up with your lovesick moping"

James was about to protest, when he saw the teasing gleam in Rosmerta's warm golden eyes.

"I know"

"Send her chocolate" Rosmerta advised, jerking a thumb in the direction of Honeydukes. "The road to any woman's heart is through her sweet tooth"

"Or" James said, brightening, "I could buy her a _cat_ "

"A cat?" Rosmerta sounded dubious.

"A nice cat" he clarified hastily, "but her cat died last month - and well-"

"That" Rosmerta said, sounding almost awed at his sheer stupidity, "is a _shit_ idea"

James sat bolt upright on his stool, shaking a finger at her indignantly.

"It's a _wonderful_ idea, thank you, Rosmerta. I'm off, don't wait up"

He reached into the pocket of his robes for a Galleon. Rosmerta, amused, pushed him away.

"Go,woo your lady-love" she told him fondly, and James dashed from the shop.

* * *

There were many cats . Cats of all shapes and sizes and colours. Cats that rushed to the fronts of their cages when James entered the Hogsmede branch of THE MAGICAL MENAGERIE and others that cowered at the back.

It was dim and wild smelling, with owls soaring in the cramped confines of the shop, and small furry creatures tramping about on the floor around his feet.

James was not a cat person. They made him itch. And they always scratched him. But if Lily liked cats, this had to be done.

"Can I help you?"

A rather untidy looking wizard had hustled from the back of the shop, a peering owlishly at James through a monocle screwed into his left eye. His thin hair was greying and there were owl drippings on the shoulders of his robes.

"I'm looking for a cat" James said, gazing about with a lost expression.

"Ah!" The wizard exclaimed, pleased, "we have _many_ cats"

"Yes" James said, eyeing the cages, "I can see that"

"Are you looking for any type of cat in particular?" The man prompted.

"It's for a girl...She has red hair and green eyes"

The wizard beamed. "Romantically gifting your lover an animal! How lovely"

"Sure"

He edged past James and started peering through the bars of the cages at their inhabitants. A black paw batted out at his finger, and the shop-wizard swooped down, unlatching the door.

"Hello" he cooed, lifting a sooty black cat out and deposited him in James's arms. The cat buried his damp nose into James's neck, and the wizard laughed.

"His name is Charlenus" he told James, "and take a look at his eyes. Perfect, hmm?"

James maneuvered the furry animal in his arms till he could look at the eyes. They were shockingly, brilliantly green.

* * *

The owl that arrived that morning bore a large, heavy looking package that seemed to be moving. From time to time, the owl would dip down out of sight as its burden overcame it.

Lily rushed to open her window and rescued the owl as it was at the point of exhaustion, pulling it and the package through her window. The package let out a howl.

It was a medium sized cardboard box and there were holes punched in the top.

It wiggled, and the delivery owl cast the box a baleful glare, before launching itself back out the open window, into the bright morning sun. For an idle moment, Lily wondered what the neighbors would make of it, before dismissing the thought. Her neighbors had seen much stranger things, and continued on in blissful ignorance.

She lent down toward the package, and carefully peeled the Spellotape back. The flaps of the box sprung open to reveal - a kitten. A fuzzy black kitten with wide, clear green eyes.

There was a green velvet ribbon around his neck, a tag attached. Lily turned it over. In a messy uppercase script, she read- 'His name is Charlenus"

A smile touching her lips, she lifted the wiggly kitten out of the box and settled him in her arms.

" _What kind of a maniac sends a kitten by owl?_ "

* * *

 _ **A.N. Well that was disgustingly fluffy. I don't normally write fluff... anyways, if you enjoyed it, please give me a review! I'll bribe you with biscuits. Many biscuits.**_


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